By Sharon Chang, originally published on MultiAsian Families
I’m 35, Taiwanese/Slovakian/German/French Canadian, and just realized I don’t really have Asian hair. I mean it’s dark, thick and straight. But it’s not black or almost-black. It’s a mousse chocolate brown. And it’s much finer than the coarse hair of many monoracial Asian women I know. I blame my husband. We were riding the Light Rail. An older Asian woman got on with a fabulous hairdo. I leaned over, pointed her out, whispered “Could I get away with that look?” “No,” he said frankly, “You’re hair wouldn’t do that. It isn’t course enough.” I felt kind of shocked. I sat back in my seat and thought to myself, HE’S RIGHT. And then over the months that followed, why didn’t I know that??
Both cases are very symbolic and have to do with invisibility, invalidation and subsequent adaptation. The multiracial child looks around, does not see themselves powerfully reflected in society, and so alters their self-image into something that does fit. I have been greatly concerned about this when it comes to raising my multiracial Asian son. These days there are certainly a tremendous amount of mixed race children around, especially in Seattle, so I don’t worry he feels different on that account (the way my husband and I did). Also since my husband and I are both multiracial Asian, our son looks like us (neither my husband nor I look like our parents). We rarely get unsolicited questions from strangers about his heritage (which I got endlessly as a young person) I guess because our family “matches.” These are all powerful validations for him.
That said, I have had one hell of a time finding children’s book depicting multiracial Asian children or families. There are barely any parenting books on the subject. I have found only a couple child-appropriate TV shows that featured multiracial Asian. And dolls or toy figurines? Forget it. It’s impossible. You have to mix and match on your own. Sure I see tons of mixed Asian people in advertising and entertainment. My husband thinks this is because marketers recognize our population is exploding and want to sell us stuff. But when it comes to validating or empowering our multiracial Asian children – apparently nobody’s interested?
Indeed, since my son has turned three I’ve noticed a disturbing trend of him liking the look of White children over others. It’s very obvious not only through his behavior but because he says it. When looking at the following pictures of diverse children, he made a point to single out the fairest, blue-eyed child in each and say, “I like this kid”:
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It’s hard to know if what you’re seeing is real.
A lot of multicultural families can relate to this post. It is hard to find multicultural books and a lot of publishers shy away from what they view as “niche” topics that won’t be “big” sellers. It’s disappointing.
@Bicultural Mama, do you think kids choose to identify with the white characters because they don’t see mixed characters that look like them? I think that’s part of it, but also I think they are picking up on societal cues that blue eyes and blonde hair are best. When my son was a toddler, he always chose a blond Little People character, even though there was a dark haired boy. However, he did identify Sonya Lee as me ;)
Did you see this article on Lee and Low about how multicultural books have not increased in 18 years? http://blog.leeandlow.com/2013/06/17/why-hasnt-the-number-of-multicultural-books-increased-in-eighteen-years/
I often wonder about this too – what effect it will be on my two-year-old bi-racial daughter. She’s half-Asian (Filipino) and British. She’s too young now and doesn’t seem to notice and care that all the other kids in her playgroup are blonde and blue-eyed. I worry a lot about when she’s older, about being teased or bullied. But then again, as parents, isn’t this a common fear?
Dean, yes it’s a common fear, and it’s heartbreaking when your child is teased based on race. I wrote about my son’s experience with the slant-eye teasing here: https://hapamama.com/2013/03/05/when-your-kids-experience-racism/
And you heard about Kate Gosselin’s own slant eye photo? http://www.blogher.com/dear-kate-making-slanty-eyes-not-good-your-asian-kids?wrap=blogher-topics/politics-news&crumb=24 Multiracial kids need support in finding their identity from their parents, and not just the minority parent. Great that you are thinking about these issues, and thanks for commenting.
@HapaMama, I think it’s definitely down to who your children see on a daily basis and what kinds of associations they have with people who look a certain way. My daughter is 4 and she used to attend preschool in Nigeria. Her favourite teachers and friends were mostly black or brown (mixed) so she had a very healthy sense of herself. I never heard her say she wanted blue eyes or blonde hair. Nowadays, we’ve moved to London and although there is a good mix here, I hear her saying all the time she wants blue eyes and blonde hair. I know it has to do with who she plays with, her friends, teachers, her mum (I’m mixed Iranian and English but can pass as white). It means we need to make more of an effort to show them images of the alternative. That means associating with people of your community more, the books, shows, magazines… harder but necessary. Thanks for writing this post. I’ll repost it on my Facebook.