What Does It Mean to Call a School Too Academic? Microaggressions Aimed at Asian Parents

There’s a certain kind of comment I hear fairly often in my real life interactions with other parents. The remarks are not overtly racist, but have enough insinuation about them to make me feel uncomfortable. I thought it was time for me to write about this. Here’s the beginning of what I’m sure will be an ongoing discussion…

I was sitting in the stands at a kids’ sporting event the other day when I overhead bits of a conversation between some other parents:

“That school is too competitive. All they care about is grades.”

“They don’t do well in football. Ping-pong or chess, maybe!”

“Even in preschool, they teach Chinese. We don’t need that.”

Those remarks caught me off-guard. It was a weekend, and I just wanted to relax and watch my son’s game. At the moment, I didn’t know what to say, but I can tell you that I felt distinctly uncomfortable.

I live in Silicon Valley, or as old-timers like to call it, the Santa Clara Valley. Having spent most of my life here, in many ways I’m a local, too. I remember when there were more apricot orchards than Apple employees, and I’m saddened that the cost of living has made it too expensive for many long-time residents to stay here.

We Asian Americans are not a monolithic group, and I don’t subscribe to the kind of parenting philosophies made famous by Amy Chua. I’m saddened that many of the “good” schools have become hotbeds of pressure cooker academics where teen suicide is all too common. I’m sure the Bay Area isn’t the only place where this is happening. It could be LA’s San Gabriel Valley or Flushing, Queens in New York.

But because of the way I look (hello, I’m Asian!), I also feel the ire of people who assume I’m a Tiger Mother. And if I were a Tiger Mother, would that make me any less deserving of basic human courtesy?

Read the rest of Things People Say About Asian Parents over at Mom.me, and let’s start a dialogue about this.